Snape's Metamorphosis
by Padfoot2007
Summary: A potion gone wrong leads Snape to an experience he will never forget. No matter how much he wants to. Crackfic! Somethings just should never be.


**Author's Notes: This idea came to me after I saw a meme featuring Snape with a female legs belonging to a certain actress. I blame my twisted mind for this one. I am hoping that you enjoy this little one shot. It is not meant at all to be taken seriously. It is just for fun.**

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**Reviews are appreciated. Flames will be ignored. Like I said, this is just a humorous one shot. The only reason I am posting this is because I cannot get it out of my head.**

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**For those of you wondering, this is set in Harry's third year. Oh, and mild cursing so be warned.**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. End of discussion.**

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**Metamorphosis by Padfoot2007**

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It happened completely by accident. Snape was in his office, working on a new potion. The potion was supposed to be for hair treatment. However, Snape was so distracted that he added the wrong ingredient, powdered bicorn horn, to the mix. Our Potions' professor learned not twenty minutes ago that he would be responsible for brewing Wolfsbane Potions for Professor Lupin. Given the history between the two, Snape tried to beg Dumbledore to reconsider. The old wizard reminded Snape that he was Potions' Master of the school. Dumbledore also told the younger wizard that he was the only one who could do it.

"It is your duty as Potions' Master to step up and offer your skills when a potion needs to be brewed," Dumbledore declared.

Professor Snape was still insistent that someone else could brew the potion. Professor Dumbledore refused to back down. He even asked Snape if his schoolyard grudge was worth risking the lives of innocent students. Professor Snape was truly in a bind there. He thought about his Slytherin charges. Draco Malfoy in particular among them. Was he really going to allow a werewolf to run amok amongst them? What if one of them got bitten?

Professor Dumbledore could see the wheels turning in Snape's head. He knew that the Potions' Master would no longer hesitate. Especially since he realized what was truly at stake here. Snape issued a sigh. He was backed into a corner. There was no way that he could say no.

"I'll do it," conceded Snape, looking very unhappy.

"Good, I will inform Professor Lupin that the situation has been taken care of," said Dumbledore, turning to leave.

"Wait," Snape said, causing Dumbledore to pause. "Under one condition."

Professor Dumbledore did not appear angry. He gazed at the Potions' Master with curiosity.

"Yes?"

"He must remain in his office during his time of transformation," requested Snape.

"Why Severus! How thoughtful of you to consider Professor Lupin's feelings!" exclaimed Dumbledore, looking delighted.

Snape gritted his teeth and shook his head.

"No, this is not about him," Snape told Dumbledore. "This is about the students' safety."

Professor Dumbledore stood in front of Professor Snape. He clapped him on the shoulder. Snape winced under the slight pressure that Dumbledore applied to his shoulder. A broad smile formed on Dumbledore's ancient face.

"You have come a long way, Severus," said Dumbledore.

Dumbledore did not hear what Snape said. The door closed behind the headmaster before Snape uttered a word.

A large cloud of purplish smoke engulfed the Potions' Master. He knew instantly that something had gone wrong. The smoke was in too great of quantities for the potion to be correct. Coughing and sputtering, Snape attempted to reach for his wand. The smoke was so thick that Snape could not find his wand. In fact, he could barely see two feet in front of his face. He could feel the smoke filling his lungs. Oxygen was becoming scarce. Little white dots formed in front of Snape's eyes as he gasped for air. It was getting harder and harder to remain conscious. Snape scrambled hopelessly to find his wand. With one last breath, Snape gave in. The room went dark and he did not struggle any more.

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Professor Snape woke up several hours later. The smoke had cleared. His wand was laying on top of the book shelf. Getting to his feet, Snape walked over to the book shelf. Pocketing his wand, Snape glanced up at the time. It was seven o' clock. Dinner would start in ten minutes. His stomach grumbled at the thought of food. He was starving. Snape decided that he would go down to the Great Hall to eat.

Many students were making their way to the Great Hall as well. Professor Snape noticed that many of them were gaping at him. Particularly boys. Which confused the Potions' Master to no end. Their mouths hung open and drool lined their lips as they stared at Snape. Professor Snape wondered if someone had played a joke on him again. If he found out that the Weasley twins had something to do with this, there was going to be hell to pay.

"What are you staring at?" Snape snapped, glaring at the students.

"Nothing, Professor," replied the students, smirking.

Quirking an eyebrow, Snape decided to leave it be. He was too hungry to care right now. Once he had some food in him, he would investigate. Right now, students' curious behavior was not a big concern of his.

More stares followed as Snape made his way to the Great Hall. One male student, Oliver Wood, was not paying attention and ran into a statue. Snape smirked. Served the blighter right, thought Snape, maybe Slytherin would win the next match if Wood was incapacitated. Snape was shocked when even students from his own house were running into objects. He thought that his students should have better sense than the others. Slytherins were not supposed to be clumsy.

The whole Great Hall seemed to grow silent as Snape entered. Someone wolf-whistled and another was cat-calling. Professor Snape recognized the sounds coming from the Weasley twins. It just confirmed that they were involved in this…whatever it was. He quickly took twenty points away from Gryffindor. That wiped the smiles off of their faces. Satisfied, Snape continued to the teacher's table.

Snape was stunned when he noticed that all of the teachers were gaping at him. Hagrid, Flitwick, and Lupin's eyes were wide and drool hung down their mouths. Sprout and McGonagall looked haughty. They eyed Snape coldly. Professor Dumbledore appeared to be fighting off laughter. Hagrid, Flitwick, and Lupin looked disappointed when Snape sat down between McGonagall and Dumbledore.

"Hello…Professor," said Dumbledore, pleasantly. "What an interesting choice in….apparel."

"More like in general," huffed McGonagall, not looking at Snape.

"What's going on?" demanded Snape, wanting answers. "Why is everyone staring at me?"

"You haven't been near a mirror lately, have you Severus?" questioned the ancient headmaster.

"No, I just woke up from a….nap," answered Snape, warily. What was going on? What had happened to him?

Professor Dumbledore waved his wand. A hand mirror appeared. Dumbledore gave the mirror to Snape.

"Use this and you will see," said Dumbledore, smiling.

Snape scanned his body with the mirror. He was horrified by what it revealed. Snape had been transformed into a sexy woman. His hair was straight and well kept. He was wearing makeup. His thin lips had been replaced by big, pouty ones. His low cut blouse revealed an enormous amount of cleavage. His body was curvy. His legs were tanned and silky smooth. They were also longer than he remembered. Snape noticed that he had a butt, a really big butt.

Mortified, Snape dashed out of the Great Hall. The mirror shattered as it hit the floor. His face was as red as a cherry. He no longer felt hungry. In fact, Snape thought that he might be sick. All he wanted to do was lock himself away in his office until he could return to normal. Unfortunately, other plans were made for him.

No sooner had Snape locked the door behind him did he hear a knock on the door. Snape told the person to go away.

"But I want ter see yeh!" shouted Hagrid. "I'm burning with love fer yeh, baby!"

"No way!" Snape yelled back. "I am not coming out!"

"Don't listen to Hagrid, my love!" squeaked Professor Flitwick. Snape groaned. How was this possible? Did everyone lose their fucking minds? "I'm about to charm the pants right off of you!"

"No, what she really needs is some wolfie loving!" declared Remus Lupin.

"No, what I really want is to be left alone!" replied Snape. The whole world has gone mad. Of that much, Snape was convinced. That was the only explanation as to why these three men were acting this way.

"Come on baby!" howled Hagrid. "That arse is callin' ter meh!"

"Puhlease, like she would want you!" growled Flitwick. "You'd probably break her!"

"Why don't you two leave her alone? You two perverts are too old for her anyway," suggested Lupin. "I am much younger and have way more stamina."

Snape listened to them argue. This was not happening. It was all just a joke. It would end soon. Someone was bound to leap out and say "Gotcha!" This could not continue. It had to be a dream.

And it was.

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**The End! Sorry if it was OOC. I just had to get this out of my head. The imagery is far too disturbing (and funny)!**


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